Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

A friend visited me for the past two days, and during one of our conversations, we talked about what seems to be a decline in kindness, respect, personal responsibility, and simply trying to be a good person.

Sometimes it appears in the smallest ways. A driver lets someone merge into traffic, but there is no wave of thanks. A person holds open a door, and the other person walks through without acknowledging the gesture. These things may seem insignificant, but they reflect how we choose to treat one another.

We also talked about the crude remarks Jelly Roll recently made about the President while guest-hosting a late-night talk show. When some people criticized his comments as rude and disrespectful, others defended them by saying he had a First Amendment right to say whatever he wanted.

Yes, he had the right to say it. But having the freedom to say something does not automatically make it kind, respectful, responsible, or morally right.

Some people will respond that the President has also made rude and offensive remarks. That may be true, but it does not change the principle. Poor behavior by one person does not excuse poor behavior by another. This is not about defending a particular politician, celebrity, or political party. The same standard should apply to everyone.

The First Amendment protects our freedom of expression. It does not relieve us of the responsibility to consider our words, the example we set, or the effect we have on others.

On a much lighter level, it’s a little like wearing pajamas to the grocery store. You certainly can—but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

Around the same time this debate was unfolding, Dolly Parton died. As people remembered her extraordinary talent, they also remembered her kindness, generosity, humility, and the way she lifted others up. She held strong beliefs, but she did not make political division the center of her public identity. She became someone people from many different backgrounds could admire.

The contrast made me think about legacy. Long after a particular joke, argument, or controversy is forgotten, people will remember how we made them feel. Did we demean others, or did we lift them up? Did we contribute to the anger, or did we add a little kindness to the world?

We cannot control how public figures—or anyone else—choose to behave. We can decide whether we will imitate, excuse, or normalize that behavior. “He did it too” may explain someone’s reaction, but it does not make the reaction kind, respectful, or right.

Perhaps we need to return to one simple question:

I know I can—but should I?

Rights tell us what we are free to do. Character determines what we choose to do—and, eventually, how we will be remembered.